Happy Tuesday! Well, sub-par Tuesday because yes I’m gainfully employed which is the best but also it’s Tuesday and the weekend is still over and NY has fallen under a weird spell called “fall” and it’s cold. Like, really cold. Like, I lived in Massachusetts for 24 years and don’t remember how to dress in the winter cold. Like, thank god for padded bras because everything is cold, cold.
I spent a good part of my morning yesterday trying not to eat my lunch because a) who eats chili at 11 am and, b) I am trying to practice a little thing the doctors call “not eating every single second of the day, you idiot.” I think that’s the medical term. It’s just that the chili is really good and even though I used Taco Bell brand season mix (shut up), it feels incredibly healthy and I am proud of myself. Sunday night I found myself at home watching a workout video. Sure I was sitting with my feet up on the couch, eating chili from a mug, and was in no way going to start moving my body aerobically but it still stood out to me as a moment. I worked out Friday, walked 6 miles around Manhattan on Saturday, tried my first Pilates class in ten years on Sunday, and still found myself researching workouts that night.
WHO AM I? AND ALSO WHERE IS MY MEDAL?
I know, I know – I am part of a generation that thinks we deserves a medal for everything we do but I want some positive reinforcement man! I know the reward is that in a couple of months I’ll feel and look better than ever, but I want some positivity now!
But Chelsea, you can walk up the stairs at 57th Street St without getting winded now!
This is a lie and no one can do this. I’m just getting better at balancing my breaths.
But Chelsea, you went to your favorite restaurant on Saturday and didn’t get the pie or the ice cream. Aren’t you proud of yourself?
I was too full from biscuits you sly minx. But yeah, I guess a little.
But Chelsea, the new pants you bought a month ago are starting to fall off even though just three weeks ago they seemed to be planning an assault on your internal organs.
My organs thank you, diet and exercise! My wallet that is already sweating at the prospect of having to buy a new pair of jeans every month, does not thank you.
But Chelsea, your skin looks amazing! You barely break out anymore and omg are you glowing?
Like, literally stop hitting on me weird internal monologue. But yeah, my skin looks and feels great. My 8 stumbles to the bathroom in the middle of the night last night were not so much appreciated.
I guess that what I’m saying is that making a huge lifestyle change is crazy annoying and because it’s hard, I want more of a reward. Stop rolling your eyes. I know that the reward is that I will probably live longer and get way more matches on Tinder so I guess I have that to look forward to or whatever. Also, I am starting to feel like food rewards now make me kind of sad. Case in point: last Wednesday I went to a work event and consumed a hearty dinner of grapefruit juice, limes, and vodka. Instead of gorging myself on pizza and assorted fried wonderlings after, I went to The Strand and bought a book I’ve been wanting to read. At the register I (coughdrunkenlycough) also grabbed a $10 candy bar because the packaging was pretty, I convinced myself I had “skipped” dinner, and one time I saw Lauren Conrad post a picture of it and I’m trying to live that #LClife.
In a series of events that have probably never occurred before in my life, I forgot about the candy bar and didn’t find it until I unearthed it under a pile of clothes while cleaning my bedroom Sunday night. Since this was health weekend – see above – I decided I deserved a piece of the bar. I had a $0.75 bite off the top and honestly, hated it. I felt guilty post-workout and chili, and it didn’t even taste good. What a waste.
So my goal for this week is to really think about why I’m eating something and decide if I really want it or am just bored. Ugh. Here’s me fat-guy-in-a-little-coat’ing in my favorite leather jacket (from 60 pounds ago) to get you through the rest of your week.