Hey you! Yes, you! You may have noticed that the hottest days of summer are officially upon us. The days are long, the nights are warm, the butt sweat is plentiful-er. What a time to be alive.
If you’re anything like us, the last thing you want to do after swampass’ing your way through the radiating summer streets is pop on an apron and fire up the old stove. I mean, I have central air and I’m still complaining.
So we’re doing you a solid and sharing all of our cool summer tips and quick and easy meals for girls on the go. Enjoy!
- A rotisserie chicken that I pick pieces directly off with my fingers, then put in the fridge vowing to eat it again tomorrow. Then I forget about it and throw it away 7 days later when it really starts to smell weird.
- A cucumber that I’m too lazy to cut up, so I just take bites out of it while walking around my house
- A delicious low-carb eggplant lasagna that I brave the grocery store for, spend entirely too much on, cook painstakingly for hours and then shove into my mouth in less than 5 minutes. Then clean up for another 20-30 minutes.
- A fresh summer salad that I buy all the ingredients for, have to work late for a few days, go to make it and realize all the produce has gone bad, throw it all out in a fit of rage, then order $30 worth of takeout from Postmates
- Three pieces of turkey deli meat rolled up and shoved into my mouth as I run out the door to go meet my friends at happy hour
- A salad with no cheese, no tortilla strips, no croutons, no fatty meats, no fun, and a light vinaigrette on the side while I stare longingly at photos of various macaroni and cheeses on my phone, sighing with every bite
- Trader Joe’s frozen meals that I frankenstein together with extra frozen veggies and forget to add salt so everything tastes pretty bland but I just keep eating it because I paid good money for it and I really need to stop eating out so much so I can save more money and maybe one day buy a house or quit my job and travel the world or just maybe retire before I’m 95 years old
- Anything from the Whole Foods hot bar, including but not limited to: macaroni and cheese, burritos, quesadillas and sub sandwiches. What? They’re all-natural.
- Anything shoved into my face with my hands while standing in front of a fridge. Bonus points if you finish shoving before the fridge alarm goes off
- One piece of candy I found at the bottom of my purse from the last time I went to the movies
- The elusive “final meal” before a diet. If you’re like us, you can polish off 3 – 5 of these per week
- Potato salad. It’s a salad for god’s sake
- Something that you already put in the garbage but just really want one more bite of. I see you Miranda. I see you Costanza. We are one.
- A juice cleanse that starts off with fresh pressed green juice that tastes like a lawnmower smells, and ends with aged grape juice (read: wine)
- 11 servings in one sitting of a healthy meal I pinned on my Summer Bod board 8 months ago and have “really been meaning to get around to cooking”
- An 860 calorie acai bowl after 30 minutes of light cardio and some foam rolling
- Three gluten free chocolate coconut balls I forgot I bought one day prior. Spend $60 on dry cleaning when I drunkenly eat them in bed and wake up wondering what the hell got all over my white, linen comforter during the night
- A questionably old apple with one serving of peanut butter* (*½ a tub)
- Just a small bite of the trendy sugar scrub my waxer convinced me to buy after a particularly aggressive brazilian. It just smells so good!
- One to two kernels of popcorn to appear ladylike and thin during a first date at the movies. (Note: as soon as there’s a dark scene, start shoveling handfuls)
- A dinner out with friends at one of my favorite cafes including pasta and dessert and aperol spritzes that isn’t healthy for my waistline or bank account but man is it healthy for my soul