Happy Tuesday, y’all. Sorry for the clickbait but this is some true life stuff right here.
We’re trying this new thing over here at the Struggle, and it’s called “making yourself happy.” I know. New concept. But hear me out while I get on my soapbox for just a minute. This message is specifically for the ladies.*
* I’ve found that men inherently put themselves first, but if you’re a dude who feels guilt for living his best life, read on. Just disregard the “Who run the world? Girls.” messaging. But for the record, we do run the world. Girls.
As women we’re taught to always make sure that other people are happy. But what about how we feel? What about what’s good for ME?
I am a feminist. I believe in the equal treatment of women* and if you don’t, please leave. But unfortunately while the rest of the world is catching up with the idea that women are just as awesome as men and deserve to be treated (and paid) as such, the sad reality is that we’ve gotta work harder than men to get what we want. And we need to go against our nature and become a little more selfish.
*Anyone else super bummed that we still have to explain the definition of feminism?
When a man doesn’t want to do something, he just doesn’t do it. He doesn’t spend hours worrying and sleepless nights wondering what other people will think about him. He doesn’t really care. And because he doesn’t care, no one tries to make him feel bad for doing him, because they know it won’t work. (I know, I know. Not all men. Whatever.)
Sounds great, right?
Too bad as women we’re taught that our lives center around making sure that other people are happy and comfortable. Because, for some twisted reason, that became our job. And it’s a hard habit to shake.
So what do we do about it?
We learn how to be selfish. You don’t want to go to that far-away wedding of someone you haven’t talked to since college? Don’t. You don’t want to take on more hats at work for the same amount of money? Don’t. You don’t want to wear Spanx and maybe you have a lil pooch in your dress but you’d rather be comfortable while you’re tearing up the dance floor? Don’t wear them. Just don’t do it. (Hey Nike, possible new tagline?) Make yourself happy, because no one is gonna do it for you.
To be clear, this isn’t me preaching from the mountaintops. I’m the case study for pleasing people, taking on too much work, feeling guilty about getting what I want, etc. But I’m trying very hard to change, because everything I read and learn about being successful comes down to one thing: being a little selfish. If you spend all your time worrying about what other people are thinking and feeling, you don’t have the time to build an empire.
Obviously it’s easier said than done. Saying no is hard. Especially when you’re backed into a corner. You may lose some friends, boyfriends, acquaintances and maybe even a job along the way. But you’ll gain something better: R-E-S-P-E-C-T (shout out to Aretha for knowing what’s up). And you’ll surround yourself with people who recognize your worth, which is better than some fake-ass friends or a shitty boyfriend or a job that doesn’t appreciate you.
So go out there, kick ass and then write a book about it. Or a hit song. Or just take a second to sit back and realize how amazing you are. Or don’t do any of that! I’m not your mom.
Love you guys.