Hello friends. I’m about to make a pretty bold proclamation. Hold tight. You ready?
GETTING HEALTHY SUCKS A DICK.
Yep. I said it. It was crude and unladylike and I’m sorry, but here at The Struggle we have pledged to be honest and that is my honest opinion. We created this blog to motivate ourselves to get healthy and share our experiences along the way. Well I have turned a corner on my way to health and honestly, it’s been incredibly annoying.
I don’t want to go into too much detail yet (I promise I’m working on something) but I had some scary health news about a month and a half ago. It’s nothing too bad but it pretty much scared me straight. Instead of hardened inmates yelling at me, I had a very nice doctor tell me that I needed to prioritize my health and start being responsible. Something finally clicked in me and for the past few weeks I have been queen of health, experimenter of workouts, and that really annoying person who talks about gluten and herbs and working out. Essentially I have become the person I love to hate.
So why does my new life suck a dick? Let me tell you.
So. Much. Damn. Laundry.
It’s a pretty obvious equation but if you’re changing into gym clothes every day, your laundry literally doubles. I am a snobby Brooklynite who gets her laundry done but still, it’s annoying. I’m afraid to invest in a lot of new work out clothes because I’m hoping to start going down in size. This means that once a week I’m dropping off my normal haul but now it’s doubled in size with sweaty ladened workout attire. I’m pretty sure you can’t just turn that stuff inside out and wear it again. Like 90% sure.
Being healthy is expensive AF.
Laundry aside, there are so many new expenses to deal with. My gym is only $20 a month but I can’t run on a treadmill every day without losing my mind. Luckily ClassPass has literally revolutionized my workouts (so many options!) but that’s $125 a month. And what about the food? Eating healthy is crazy difficult on a budget. Even my budget which consists of buying a ton of healthy food, forgetting to prepare it, and spending $10 – $15 every day on breakfast and lunch. I am an adult.
At this point I’ve cut out almost all processed foods, most dairy, sugar, and gluten and what I’m left with are the World’s Most Expensive Items™ . Since I started eating healthy I’m finding myself at Whole Foods 2 – 3 times a week. And I’m pretty sure the biggest scam in the world is fresh pressed juices. So easy. So delicious. So refreshing. So god damn expensive.
Goodbye social life. Hello #gymlyfe
I have a physical aversion to mornings which means I’m getting most of my workouts in after work. Gone are the days of happy hours and post-work movies and really bad dates. Ok, that last one is actually a good thing BUT I MISS FUN. I’m starting to notice that when I don’t work out, my body feels restless so I am antsy and uncomfortable. I don’t know what I’ve become but it feels weird and alien. Are you there God? It’s me Chelsea. And I’m confused.
Also, because I live in a black hole of Bushwick most of my workout classes are in Manhattan or Williamsburg. This means about half of my commutes are done looking like a wet dog with a sunburn. Adios potential Missed Connections.
The peeing. So much peeing.
The last time I successfully lost weight was in college. Instead of chugging alcohol, I had a very strict water schedule that consisted of filling up my Brita and forcing myself to finish the contents within 1 hour of studying. I think it was a huge component in my weight loss then and I’ve worked out a similar system now. Once an hour I fill up my bottle of water at work and force myself to finish it at my desk. It’s good because it means I have to get up and move once an hour (a surprisingly difficult feat). It’s great because I feel crazy hydrated and my skin looks better every day. It’s fucking awful because I pee constantly. Like constantly. Like I can’t remember the last time I got off the train and didn’t have to waddle-run home to avoid being as cool as Miles Davis. I know I’m flushing toxins but I’m about 2 seconds away from investing in adult diapers.
THE HUNGER IS REAL
When it comes to food I have a genuine problem and that problem is portion control. I’ve tried every fad diet around and know that they just don’t work. In general, if you don’t count my addiction to Ben & Jerry’s and mac and cheese, I actually tend to eat on the healthier side. I really do enjoy salads and because I don’t have a gallbladder anymore, fried food has never really been my thing. But portion control, man. If there are 100 grapes in front of me, I’ll eat them. If there are 9,438,587,275 grapes in front of me I’ll eat those too. I have no control. Now that I’m really watching what I’m eating and have cut out all the things that make me sick, I am struggling to find a good balance. One bowl of pasta can pretty much fill me but three bowls of broccoli leaves me unsatisfied. I’m talking some serious Chris Farley as a GAP girl vibe, once again. Trying not to snack on unhealthy things between meals and convincing myself I don’t need dessert every night is one of the harder things I’ve ever had to do. As I’m typing this I realize that is the most first world of all first world complaints ever, but I am so hungry. So hungry. Someone get me an apple (pie).
I want to go to a restaurant and order with reckless abandon. Every time I pass up a croissant for a fruit salad a tiny part of me dies. And I realized an annoying trend in my life. Every single time I’ve started working out regularly, I get sick. I Googled it and apparently this happens all the damn time. Thanks bod! The second I start treating you like a lady you betray me. Being healthy suuuuuucks.
But – and this is is a big but – I feel fucking amazing. Yep. I woke up without my alarm today. All of my jeans fit for the first time in years. I can actually see my collarbones (miss you babes). And that number on the scale? It’s starting to dip. So as much as all of this sucks, it’s worth it. Will I eat ice cream again? Oh hell yeah. Will I skip a day at the gym? Yep. Probably tomorrow. But for the first time in a long time I am starting to feel good. Still sucks a dick though.