Sweet friends! A happy Tuesday to you and The Struggle is finally back in business. I have finally emerged from my Mucinex, Z-Pak, inhaler fogged shell of sickness and I’m pretty confident that I’ll be able to breathe normally by the end of the week. You would think that after 28 years of almost guaranteed March bronchitis I would know how to take care of it but instead I once again found myself emergency dialing my doctor at 3 am to get “as many drugs as humanly possible so I can breathe again, dear god, please help me.” What a journey it has been.
Despite the illness I’ve actually managed to eat pretty healthy and workout. I’m incredibly motivated right now after a couple important doctor’s visits (more on this later this week) and have been trying out a bunch of new classes via ClassPass. A friend from work and I decided to check out Banana Skirt Production’s Formation class in honor of Queen Bey. Holy shit. It was incredible.
A couple things to note before I break down the class. First, I am an awful dancer. I took jazz, ballet, tap, and assorted dance classes for the majority of my youth and now when I have to dance I mostly just pretend to twerk and then white girl shuffle while scrunching my face up. Second, I love Beyonce and think the reaction to this was annoying and people need to seriously calm down for a minute. This has nothing to do with dance. Just wanted to put that out there. And finally, I give some MEGA props to Bey for these dance moves. After the class I went home and watched the Formation video and that woman can fucking move. I know it’s her job but seriously – this stuff is hard.
PRE SLAY
Pre show jitters: I was incredibly nervous. The last dance class I took was at The Sweat Spot in LA and the instructor was Ryan Heffington aka Sia’s choreographer. There was a minor celebrity in the class and I spent most of the hour hiding behind actual professional dancers and trying not to trip over my own feet.
The studio: very Center Stage-esque with big sweeping views of Manhattan but less Peter Gallagher eyebrows.
The crew: so pumped to see a range of ages, bodies, and skill level. I’m pretty sure there was a well known plus size model in the class but I have a terrible memory and there’s a pretty good chance I just went to college with this chick. Either way, everyone seemed chill and normal looking.
The instructor: I can only express my feelings for Zack Zack as love at first twerk. He’s in incredible shape, is hilarious, and immediately makes everyone feel comfortable by cracking jokes and being sassy. And that boy can move.
MID SLAY
Warm up: there’s a 5 minute warm up to ease us into class. I can manage most of the moves and am starting to get excited. I’m not the best person in class but I’m definitely not the worst and my high ponytail is providing some hairography even Bey would be proud of.
Hot sauce in my bag, swag: ok so no actual hot sauce but water is provided after the warm up and I that always wins extra points in my book.
That Illuminati mess: I’m off to an ok start. The choreography is definitely not easy but Zack breaks down each move and has us repeat them 2 – 3 times before we add music. The hardest part is just remembering transitions. Also how the hell does Beyonce do this in heels?
Twirl on them haters: there’s a slight space issue because everyone is moving so much so I may have accidentally punched a very enthusiastic white guy during the “Texas bama” portion of the song. He brushed it off. We’re all good.
I’m a star (I’m a star): there’s something about moving in unison with 40 other people that makes you feel good. Like, really good. 20 minutes into the class and everyone is smiling and high fiving each other. The vibe is great.
Now let’s get in formation: 40 minutes into class and we’ve learned all the choreography. Well, we’ve been taught all the choreography but I am pretty rusty and some of the transitions are tough as hell. The good news is that I’m still moving non stop and every time I nail a move in the mirror, I give myself a little wink. Feels good to be the queen (of uncoordinated dance moves).
Take his ass to Red Lobster: as soon as we learn the choreo, Zack makes us do a little freestyle dancing to take our minds off the moves. It feels awesome and everyone is grooving. There may have been a gas leak or maybe it’s those endorphins I’m always hearing about.
Prove to me you got some coordination: in the final few minutes of class we all turn away from the mirror and do the full dance in unison. To be completely honest I missed about 50% of the moves but I had so much fun doing it. That song has been stuck in my head since last night and I keep catching myself dancing to it. 10/10 would slay again.
THE AFTERMATH:
We slay (okay), I slay (okay): I’m sore but in a good way. Like a ‘I danced my butt off and would look exactly like Beyonce in 7 – 10 years if I workout 12 hours a day and never eat sugar again’ kind of way.
OVERALL RATING ON A SCALE OF 1 TO 10:
10! I dream hard, I work hard, I grind it ‘til I own it. What I mean by this is that I would absolutely take this class again. I went home and danced in the kitchen while making dinner. Then I tried to show my roommate the whole dance and realized in the 2 hours since I learned it, I’d already forgotten the entire thing. BUT I would 100% do it again. Also a small part of me kept expecting Beyonce to strut through the door but alas, only Blue Ivy showed up. Just kidding. It was still incredible though. 10/10 would slay again.
