Yesterday I read an article about a woman who owns the expensive juice place on my street here in Los Angeles. It made me so mad that I had to complain about it. A lot. Below are my hastily written complaints.
Problems I have with this article:
1. Her name is Bacon. Bye.
2. “I usually wake up at 630 am.”
3. Kundalani meditation.
4. I can only imagine that a 23 minute breath set is her breathing. I do that 24 hours a day. Try harder Amanda.
5. Her son’s name is Rohan.
6. She uses the phrase “drunk in the car!” about dropping her weirdly-named child at school at 8 am.
7. “Vanilla mushroom protein and stone ground almond butter, and also has the super endocrine, brain, immunity, and libido- boosting powers of Brain Dust, cordyceps, reishi, maca, and Shilajit resin. I throw ho shou wu and pearl in as part of my beauty regime. I chase it with three quinton shots for mineralization and two lipospheric vitamin B-complex packets for energy.”
8. Activated cashews.
9. Holy shit her lunch is sad. And when i was poor i ate hard boiled eggs for lunch.
10. THIS IS HER VERSION OF A TACO
11. She got that bmw steering wheel shot in there to let us know she is rich from all of us buying her dumb juice.
12. Pre-yoga dinner.
13. MY 3 YEAR OLD’S FAVE RESTAURANT
14. 2 hours of yoga a day. No.
15. My go-to teacher’s name is also Harijiwan. Coincidence?
16. Mushrooms are not part of chocolate.
17. “I’ve devised a million low-glycemic recipes.” A million is a lot. Sure sounds like you’re lying Amanda.
