A recurring post to discuss healthy or unhealthy choices we made this week, talk about why we feel rundown, remember the 2003 sleeper hit The Rundown with Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and Sean “Not An Inanimate Object” William Scott, and anything else we’re thinking, eating, or doing right now.
Chelsea: Happy Friday bb’s! Little Baby Whitters was at work until 4:30 this morning and unless she picks up a pretty extreme caffeine and/or coke habit, she will likely not be joining me for today’s Rundown.
Whitney: SURPRISE BITCH! I BET U THOUGHT U’D SEEN THE LAST OF ME.
C: LOLOLOOL hi beeb! Welcome back to the world of the living. So which was it – caffeine or coke?
W: I decided on caffeine. I really don’t want to become one of those people who takes up drugz…..
C: Plus our moms and/or potential employers may someday read this. What? (Hi Moms!)
W: Hahahaha yes! Actually I have a story about not drinking caffeine for five days and that was maybe the worst 5 days of my life, I can’t even imagine doing harder stuff.
C: I bet! How’s no alcohol going? Did you get a chip yet? Just kidding.
W: So far, so good. I’ve actually gotten a lot of “you’re the most boring person on the planet” comments from friends and coworkers, but that’s the worst of it. I just tell them to piss off (cool British/Australian version I’m trying. I think it’s working). And actually my mom and dad have texted me asking how it’s going. I’m worried that people think this is harder for me than it is hahaha.
This is actually the most awesome way to lose weight that I’ve ever found. I’m into it because I only have to cut one thing out, and it’s something that isn’t covered in melted cheese, sour cream, bacon and chives, ya know? I totally understand why fitness people do this. Although I think theirs is because their body is a temple or whatever, but also because alcohol makes u fat. It’s easy to give up, but you kind of have to chill out on your social life. Because literally EVERYTHING that 20-somethings do has drinking involved. Or at least all the things I do.
How about you babe? How’s the sugar cleanse going?
C: I’m proud of you gal pal! And yeah, whenever people say “my body is a temple” all I can think is that my body is like a bathroom at a gas station off a really long highway. What a visual. So I’m on day 12 of the sugar cleanse and still staying (mostly) strong with the exception of some questionably sugary meatballs I consumed last night with some whiskey. My sugar cravings are definitely fading but I would still kill a man for a bagel smothered in lox and cream cheese. Well, maybe not kill but I’d for sure pinch someone until they get an unsightly bruise for some ice cream.
It’s weird because at this point I think I’m getting pretty good at recognizing which foods do and don’t have sugar. I was shocked to find out that cottage cheese and plain greek yogurt both have a pretty sizeable amount of sugar because literally, wtf? I get that it’s delicious but c’mon. I can’t believe how much sugar I was unknowingly consuming. The best things in life are definitely not sugar free, but it’s crazy how much better my digestion and skin are in just a week and a half. Am I health?
Also, I’m totally feeling the pressure from friends and coworkers too. No one has strapped me to a chair and forced a pixie stick down my throat but my friend at work has also taken it upon himself to torture me daily with baked goods and tater tots covered in bacon and cheese. He’s a monster. Also I kind of feel like a pretentious biiiitch when I say “kindly remove that cookie sir, for I am sugar free, peasant!”
W: Oh that is just unfair. When I’m craving food, the worst thing for me is smelling the foods I can’t eat. It’s so mean.
I am so proud of you. You’re REALLY doing it. The thing that I’ve noticed is the easiest way to avoid anything you’re trying to avoid is to cook your own food but LOL WHO HAS TIME FOR THAT? You’re living in a fast-paced world and I’m even more impressed that you’ve been able to make this happen.
C: Thanks gal pal! WE’RE DOING IT.
And yeah – totally agree about cooking your own food. I feel like it’s impossible to balance eating healthy and working out. I’ve never done so much laundry and dishes in my entire life. It’s miserable. Have you found any way to balance that?
W: The short answer is: NOPE. I feel like doing both takes up a lot of time. Unfortunately the times that I’ve been least busy are the times I’ve lost the most weight, because I can focus on cooking and working out. The second that I’m even working a full workday, either exercise or healthy eating is the first thing to go.
But I will say that the only thing that has worked for me is prepping my meals before I’m supposed to eat them. Then I have less excuses to just run to a restaurant and grab something on the way home…or worse, Postmates.
C: Truth, sistah. It’s weird because I’m crazy good at balancing Netflix, ice cream, and Tinder but ha, why am I single? But yeah I feel like meal prep is the way to go. We should try a full week where we pre-prepare every meal and see how annoying it is. Or amazing.
W: Hahaha yes! We can do a running counter of how long it takes me to fold and eat something that I haven’t prepared (prediction: Monday). One time I made breakfast and it was hot and sitting in front of me, and then I threw it away and went to Starbucks to get a breakfast sandwich.
C: Ooh girl been there. I have a really great habit of making an elaborate, healthy meal but getting so hungry during the prep that I eat everything unhealthy in my pantry until the food is ready and I’m already full.
Can we talk about the ridiculously amazing article we read this week? http://www.vice.com/read/a-week-as-gwyneth-paltrow-876
W: This man is the voice of a generation. I also admire his commitment to the story. He did a pretty good job sticking to the diet all week, and holy hell is he funny. Can we get him to write for The Struggle? What is VICE anyway? Have you ever heard of it?
C: Ugh, I know. He’s just so good. “Fun fact: Gwyneth loves dinner parties but only when they’re in Europe, because she feels the conversation is more refined here. One time, she was at a dinner party in America, and the person eating next to her asked her where she bought her jeans. JEANS! Ghastly.”
I aspire to write like this. Unreal. I’m sure VICE pays him but we can offer him our undying affection and two new followers on Twitter or Instagram (his choice). So…
W: I’d take that deal any day. It’s not about the money. It’s about ART.
Should we try something for a week next week? Like juicing? (Not that I have a juicer or anything)
C: ok here’s how I feel about juicing. I have a ridiculously expensive juicer I convinced myself I needed after watching Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead. It cost about as much as a car and I’ve used it approximately 8 times. One time I juiced for 3 days and lost 13 lbs then immediately gained it back. What I’m trying to say is that juicing has been a rollercoaster for me.
Though after getting this email from Amazon this morning, maybe I NEED to juice.
W: AHAHAHAHAH. Wow. Amazon is SAVAGE.
I really want the Vitamix. That’s the shit I DO like. But it’s also like $800 and I’d rather have a nice purse.
I did the master cleanse once for 3 hours and then ate a 12” Italian sandwich. So my willpower is literally zero.
C: OK so let’s avoid that. But we should try another healthy challenge. Should we ask all of our followers? (This is the part where we laugh for 45 minutes.) But actually let’s send a special shout out to Bianca who is vacationing in Thailand and checking the blog. Love you girl. Here’s a handy phrase I researched for you:
W: The only phrase you need to know. Yes, Bianca you’re this week’s Reader Of The Week ™ (sponsored by The Master Cleanse™).
W: Okay millions of fans, what health challenge should we do next week? Nothing too aggressive please. Barry’s Bootcamp would end my life right now, and I have too many meetings next week to do the Cabbage Soup diet.
C: So many farts, too. Also I’ll be in Europe so mayyyybe I should wait for a challenge for when I get back. Hopefully I’ll return with at least one European boyfriend and a newfound appreciation for LIFE.
W: A joie de vivre, if you will.
Yeah let’s hold off on the challenge. We’ll revisit this in a couple weeks when you’re planning your European wedding.
Well, this week is almost over, and I’m incredibly excited about that.
C: Amen! I have about two more hours on set today. We’re shooting bread so there are upwards of 150+ loaves of warm, delicious bread about 12 feet away from me. #help
W: Your job is actually torturing you.
C: The sugar gods are testing me. I’m about to break. NO. Maybe. NO!
But for real go get some sleep. Have fun in San Francisco. Love you/miss you like crazy. Tell the Dunay’s I say hi and I love them.
W: I love u and miss u. Counting down the days till someone pays us to write in the South of France. I’ll give them big ol’ wet kisses from u.