Hello Struggle Readers!
It’s officially tax season, and that means I’m going back through my entire purchase history over the past year and wondering how I am a functioning human adult. After hyperventilating into a paper bag multiple times while scrolling through page after page of “treat yoself” purchases, I went through all the stages of grief.
Denial:
“Hey it’s not that bad. You have a stressful life. You make a good salary so you can purchase things that make you happy. You work so much. You poor thing. Just go ahead and open up those credit card statements. It’ll be fine.”
Anger:
“EIGHTY DOLLARS FOR DINNER? WHO ARE YOU, OPRAH?”
Bargaining:
“Okay so last year was bad. But I can make up for it. I’ll eat only noodles for a few months and make back all that money I squandered last year.”
Depression:
“What’s the point? You’re gonna be poor, fat and irresponsible forever.”
Acceptance:
“You are perfect the way you are. Now stop getting expensive sushi delivered to your couch.”
This is a struggle (lol, that’s our blog) that I go through every year like clockwork. It’s awful and I feel bad for a little bit until I see money flooding into my account from tax returns and Craigslist freelance projects and then I don’t feel bad anymore, so I twirl my novelty mustache and go right back to my dastardly deeds.
This year in hopes of turning this terrible feeling into something productive, I decided to make a list of things I could have bought instead of food. My hope is that you all learn from my mistakes so you never have to feel this pain as acutely as I do right now.
WHAT I BOUGHT:
Sugarfish delivery from Postmates – $45
For those dear readers who don’t live in LA, Sugarfish is a bomb sushi joint known for its Omakase menu. They’ve got high-quality fish and the rice is the perfect temperature to make the fish melt in your mouth. It’s delicious. It is also $45 with delivery fee and tip. And that is appalling because I’m not Sheryl Sandberg and the only leaning in I’m doing is to make sure that I don’t get ponzu sauce all over my sweatshirt.
WHAT I COULD HAVE BOUGHT:
Scotch & Soda Burnout Tee – $49
I love Scotch & Soda. It’s my exact aesthetic. I’d pair this particular shirt with a cute pair of boyfriend jeans with lots of strategic rips and a stylish pair of sandals while I run to grab a coffee on Saturday morning. Maybe I’d drape a silk bomber jacket over my shoulders because I get a little chilly wherever I go because I’m so thin. Being a model is hard.
WHAT I BOUGHT:
All the lunches I bought at the cafe closest to my work – $317.92
This cafe is the definition of nothing special. It’s got overpriced sandwiches, salads and treats all while having sub-par customer service and the coffee is bitter (almost as bitter as my attitude about this cafe). Even with all of that information, I’ve been to this place more times than I can count, because work is busy but a girl’s gotta eat.
WHAT I COULD HAVE BOUGHT:
Almost 3 months of Class Pass – $357 (for a full 3 months)
Look at these happy, healthy and well-adjusted women gabbing after their fun ClassPass workout. They’re not drinking a $12 smoothie because they know to be financially successful they should go home and make their own smoothie for a fraction of the cost. They are self-motivated, so they will do this. I want to be like them. (Note: I haven’t let the fact that I use all my money on food stop me from signing up for ClassPass, I just am putting myself into a financial stress zone doing both that that’s not cool.)
WHAT I BOUGHT:
Whole Foods Prepared Foods – $1,756.38
This is a particularly embarrassing number and while it is for the entire year, I have no excuse for my lazy, gluttonous ways. Right now I feel like Bingo Bronson made me buy too much Manuka Honey, but I don’t have anyone to blame but myself. It’s so close, so health and so delicious and I obviously do not say no to myself. Ever.
WHAT I COULD HAVE BOUGHT
Givenchy Pandora Bag – $1,940 (help)
This is a dream bag of mine. I love it, and it’s not Chanel expensive. (I fully realize it is still ridiculous.) I have been lusting after it for a couple years, and maybe if my Whole Foods addiction wasn’t so strong that bag could have been hanging on my arm in 2015. Nothing tastes as good as expensive leather feels.
This has been painful and thank you for sticking with me through it. I feel better already. Now I need to go to see a Shaman or go on a vision quest or something to get my life back together. We must rebuild.
PS: Shoutout to my mom who used to make me do this budgeting exercise every year where I look back at my purchases to shame myself. You were right and I’m sorry and I will really try to stop spending my entire salary on food that isn’t even that good for me. Love u.
❤ always – LBW
The Struggle 